After not having ever met his daughter T's father walked in on the day of our TPR and contested it. Judge granted his request and reinstated his services. He has yet to show up for a single visit in the 5weeks since we last saw him. To say we are irritated is an understatement. You dont just walk in and turn the lives of a family UPSIDE down with your lipservice and then NOT show up!
We have court for snugglebug coming up. I had a brief conversation with his (third?) cousin that was overwhemlingly devestating to *me*. I battle with myself everyday trying to decide whats right. I decided to start by writting my letter to his caseworker and attorney expressing my desire to adopt--including and fuflling all the requirements of:
8710. (a) If a child is being considered for adoption, the department or licensed adoption agency shall first consider adoptive placement in the home of a relative or, in the case of an Indian child, according to the placement preferences and standards set out in subdivisions (c), (d), (e), (f), (g), (h), and (i) of Section 361.31 of the Welfare and Institutions Code. However, if a relative is not available, if placement with an available relative is not in the child's best interest, or if placement would permanently separate the child from other siblings who are being considered for adoption or who are in foster care and an alternative placement would not require the permanent separation, the foster parent or parents of the child shall be considered with respect to the child along with all other prospective adoptive parents where all of the following conditions are present: (1) The child has been in foster care with the foster parent or parents for a period of more than four months. (2) The child has substantial emotional ties to the foster parent or parents. (3) The child's removal from the foster home would be seriously detrimental to the child's well-being. (4) The foster parent or parents have made a written request to be considered to adopt the child. Note the following: The relative takes priority unless it is not in the childs best interest. After the relative the foster parent takes priority if steps 1 - 4 apply.
Ultimatly I know that what will be will be, I just couldn't roll over and play dead. There are many circumstances surrounding this case that I obviously cant share here. I struggle everyday wondering if I am doing the right thing and weighing the debate of nuture verses nature.
5 comments:
I'm enjoying your stories and posts...thanks for sharing your life.
With our first set of twins and then later with the children of my friend, we went through similar feelings. You want to be the person supporting reunification and supporting a person's chance to grow and make it right. But at the same time, these are the babies of your heart.
This is the part of fostering that people always talk about - How can you give them up? I don't think you can truly understand the situation until you have lived it though. It's so complicated.
I'm sorry to hear that dad reappeared and then promptly did nothing. I can't imagine the frustration.
Good luck, Renee.
Yahooo!
There is a reason- whether tangible or not- why you are fighting for this child. I believe some things just are and we don't know why.
I know that here in NYS in order to cut down the length of time in foster care, bio parents have 18 months to do what they have to do to get their kids back and if they don't do it then TPR starts. Do they have that law out there too? In NY the clock starts ticking the day they enter FC whether the father shows is face or not.
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