Love and Logic Sucess!

I'm excited to go to class on Monday night! For the first time in 7weeks I am starting to really feel like its "clicking" with me AND my kids. ITS WORKING! I am working really hard and its paying off. When I am tempted to yell instead I whisper, the kids get quiet because they want to know what I am saying and its harder to sound mad and mean when your whispering. I haven't yelled all week(OK maybe a few times, but I am only human) By giving the kids a bazillion choices throughout the day and handing(and even force feeding)them the control their banks are filling up fast and when I need to borrow some control they are willing to give it up. I am

letting them own their problems and helping them to hurt from the inside out and its much MUCH more effective than I ever imagined it would be. For example I now "love them too much to argue" I "charge by the minute to listen to whining and fighting" it's just "so sad" when they cant join us for craft time because they are "no fun to be around" and when "they are welcome to join us for a walk once their laundry is put away" its "so sad" when they choose not to join us. When they were unable to clean up their playroom and I did it for them, well that was just awesome! You see I had to work REALLY

hard to get all those toys put away, but don't worry I was well compensated! I am now the proud owner of one Pink TV, one Barbie laptop and a Cinderella quilt! Today when Olivia just COULDN'T stop whining at me for 3whole minutes in the car I became the proud owner of a super cute white skirt and two super super cute shirts. They have been tempted a few times to bring me broken toys but a real empathetic "so sad" sends them back in search of a more appropriate payment.

Tonight Olivia figured out that she can earn back her items(she was extremely motivated to earn back a particular shirt) and she enthusiastically cleared the table tonight after dinner and washed(scrubbed) it shiny clean. In case your wondering its even working with the babies. A heavy dose of empathy followed with an enforceable statement and the difference in my house is unmistakable. Even meal times are now enjoyable!

What I'm loving about this is the fact that my kids are owning their own problems. They are getting mad at themselves now as they should be! Not at me! I am no longer telling them what they have to do, but rather telling them what *I* will do. Rather than saying: you cant eat dinner until your room is clean! I am saying: I am serving dinner in 10minutes your WELCOME to join us once your room is clean! Previously they would get mad yell scream and cry because I told them "they couldn't eat dinner" they couldn't get past that long enough to realise that they could once their room was cleaned. I now invite them to whine but I remind them that I charge by the minute and that if they carry on it will be VERY expensive. I remind Olivia that I love her too much to argue with her, and invite her to leave her room when she feels that she can talk with respect. I don't tell her she must stay in her room, but remind her that she can come out once her behavior changes. Its amazing the difference. I'm embarrassed to admit that any previous attempts made at keeping Olivia in timeout resulted in literally 30+minutes of her screaming and yelling and running out of time out before shed eventually tire to the point that she gave in and complied, she was miserable and so was I. Now she gets mad and stomps around her room and then(!) walks out calmly(on HER terms)because SHE is ready to talk nice not because I told her she could come out. Ive struggled for a long time because Ive never wanted to raise my kids to just "do what I say" I'm proud of my kids when they tell me how something makes them feel, at the same time I want them to be respectful and I want them to be respectful because they too want to be respected. I had a hard time feeling like *I* was respecting my children when I would scream at them and demand them to "do as I say" why should they respect me when I wasn't respecting them? THIS feels so much better. Its important to me to raise children who can take responsibility for their actions. Its important to me that my kids feel consequences from the inside out rather than the outside in. I want them to be self motivated to make good decisions because its feels good to DO good. I want them to feel bad when they do wrong from the inside, not feel bad because maybe they got caught and will have to face those external consequences. Though they will have to face those consequences too, I just don't want those consequences to be what motivates them.