This is my third attempt at a post. Bella has figured not one but 3ways to turn off my computer! I have been on the phone for the past hour trying to find a forensic dentist to no avail. I was given the name of one but no matter how I search I cant find her number. I'm thinking of calling every dentistry office in town until I find someone who knows her.

I spent most of the morning trying to put away laundry, and I'm still not done. Shana and I are seriously lacking in appropriate storage options. Our closet is a disaster. We have no dressers therefore socks and underwear are in baskets on the top shelf of our closet and everything else gets hung up. The poles are seriously sagging and I fear at any moment the entire closet will collapse. This is only a temporary situation, thankfully. As Rae and Donna are moving they are selling us their eastern king bedroom set...including two dressers(yay!) After more than 4years in this house you'd think we'd have bought bedroom furniture by now. The truth is Ive never managed to find anything I really loved and did want to settle. I don't exactly love the set I am buying from Rae and Donna but the price cant be beat and I love the mattress, so there you have it. Today the kids and I went for a nice looong walk. I let Olivia and Emily ride their bikes, which was fine about 1/2mile out....it was the 1/2mile back home that was a struggle. I ended up using the foot bar of the double stroller to push Emily's bike most of the way home. The girls had a blast. My mom is an avid gardener and has taught the kids the names of so many plants I cant even count. As we walked the kids point out to me the different plants and we stopped many times so they could show me the various smells and textures...I want to share a few pictures of our garden right now. It looks and smells amazing. The bench is my favorite place to sit, warmed by the sun and surrounded by intoxicating scents of lavender and rose. The girls love to go out and "work" in the garden with Nana. As I sat this morning drinking my breakfast Olivia pointed out to me a cocoon and explained to me that a caterpillar spun a bed and it's taking a nap and dreaming of being a big butterfly and when it wakes up it will be a butterfly and fly away(I didn't even know she knew that, my mom must have taught her. )

Ive now written 3emails to A's relative caregivers(adoptive parents) and haven't gotten any type of response. I knew that was coming, I just wish I hadn't allowed myself to believe her when she promised me that she wanted me to be a part of his life and that she would call soon. I knew better, but it still really hurts. I miss him so much sometimes I feel like I cant even breathe. The dynamics in our house are completely turned upside down(as expected with a new placement) I know it usually takes a good few weeks...we are almost there.

I also received a care package from Emily's birth mom. She wrote a letter to Emily and a letter me me and Shana. She made Emily and Olivia gifts. She also asked that we stay in touch and allow Emily to grow up knowing her. This from someone who has been Mia for over 3years. Of course I want to do everything I can to maintain a biological connection for Emily and I am so moved by the letter she wrote to me. I am also scared out of my head and feel so alone. I am walking this path completely unexpectedly and unguided. I don't know where to turn or how to do this. Its been over a week and I feel like I need to at least confirm to her that I received the package. I just don't know what to say or how to say it. I don't know what level of contact I am comfortable with, honestly its something we never considered in this case...now its all so unexpected and in my face and I have to figure out how to deal with it. so for now I'm doing nothing because I just don't know what else to do. Maybe I will take a picture of Emily with her gifts and letter/pictures etc and email it to her, thanking her for the letter. That sounds OK, I guess.