The week from hell

This rollercoaster is out of control ATM. First it was a phone call from the worker of A who quietly suggested that just because a relative is "approved" doesn't mean that will be the depts recommendation. Should be encouraging, right? Really it's infuriating. The up and down of emotions is overwhelming. Just when I think I am coming to terms with the situation, accepting that he will leave--I am given a bit of hope that I cant help but feel is false and really only serves to once again throw me off balance and remind me again what we are talking about losing here: a child, my son. Of course we wont hear anymore until court, in Feb. When he will be 6months old. The second call was VERY unexpected. T's father showed up in the workers office with a court order to see her THAT day. Meeting her for the first time the day before she turned 13months. I couldn't help but like the guy to be honest. Now of course I am terrified that the judge wont TPR on him next week and he will be given a case plan. He had been in prison when she was born. He recently got out, got a job and a court order to see her. He didn't mention his intentions during the visit but made it known that he planned to see her again soon. I am terrified. Lastly, J had an appointment with the Neurologist who made referrals for other specialist with tentative DX's that are every adoptive parents worst nightmare, and a few that are any parents worst nightmare. I am not at all ready to disclose what those are, but suffice to say that we are devastated. Does it change our love or commitment to her? No, of course not. But its difficult to comprehend and so far Shana and I are just letting it sink in and I am looking into finding a support group. Raechelle found me some IRL ones, but I don't know if Im strong enough/brave enough yet to attend. I think I need to start online.