I fix it!

So today while Olivia was taking a nap I decided to run through and clean up her playroom. I was careful to leave the pizza in the oven and pink silk on the table, but other than that I put everything away. There was once a time when she would put one toy away before she got out another. Her newest thing is that everything must be left out and nothing put away. She is SO detail oriented and will spend hrs creating scene's for her animals and root babies, if I disturb them she gets extremely upset. Today upon waking from her nap she went into her playroom to get a book and completely FLIPPED out when she saw it, she was totally heart broken. I felt terrible, she kept saying: Oh mommy! Olivia SAD cry, no XYZ here, NOOOOOOoooooooo oh NOooooooooooooooooo! I felt so bad. Finally I was able to convince her that we could put everything back where it goes. She looked up and me and sighed and said: Ok mommy, I fix it! It took over TWO hours! The lids to the salt and pepper shakers had to be removed and switched, all wooden foods had to be dumped out of their crates and into the sink, pots and pans had to be moved from under the sink into the freezer. Wooden cars had to be moved from the bookcase to the playstands, etc etc etc. She was in such a state of concentration she didn't smile once. She kept huffing and puffing and arranging and rearranging and then stepping back and moving it and starting over until it was perfect. We just finished and she now watching Cailou, thank goodness. I don't know where to go with this. Ofcourse I want to encourage her to free play and to use her imagination. OTOH I also want to teach her to respect her things, and how *I* think I can accomplish that is by having a place for everything. I wonder if this is about control? Maybe she is feeling out of control in some way and this is how she is trying to regain some of it? She's never really dealt with change or transitions well. For example, in the car we all have to sit in the same exact seats. I always have to drive, if Shana drives she gets very upset because Mama is sitting in Mommys chair(the driver seat). Same goes for the dinner table, we all have to sit in the same chairs for every meal. There have been a few times when we are eating lunch and my mom has sat in Shana's chair, Olivia can't handle it. Its Mamas chair, Nana cant sit there, its Mamas chair...She'll say over and over. I suppose a lot of this is probably completely typical for her age, Im just at a point where Im trying to 'shape' her without crushing her spirit. I love the ideals of the "guide and step aside" approach to parenting...but, what do you do when you step aside and they dont do what you *want* them to do? LOL. I want for her to be motivated internally rather than externally. I want for her to know that I respect her, and that its not always 'my way or the highway'. I want for her to have some say in the way she cares for her things, at the same time I want her to do it *my* way! Obviously *I* am the one with the problem not her, LOL. A year ago I read this book: Raising Children who Think for Themselves I love love loved it, but Olivia was so young... I REALLY NEED to read it again.