Perseverance

That's what today has been about for me. I feel like I am being challenged, and I can't figure out why. I know where I want to be in my life, the kind of mother and friend, partner I want to be. I feel as though something has a hand on my forehead and the harder I push forward the more resistance I face. I wont give up, I wont give in. I will push everyday to do the things I set out to do and I will do my best not to let anything get me down. I say this AFTER having a melt down, and big huge baby tantrum driving down highway 18 on my cell phone with Rae(who calmly tried to talk me down as she paced the sidewalk outside her office) I blogged last night that I am working hard to see and think about the things I do want, not the things I don't want. Positive energy, the power of suggestion, etc. I've felt many times that things where going wrong, but I tried to find the good in each situation. Today was a HARD day, I tried so hard to keep a clear mind and persevere, and at one point I about gave up. Let me start at the beginning. This morning I woke up, bathed and dressed all the kids(without any difficulty, meltdowns, yelly mommy episodes what-so-ever) I showered(and even shaved my legs!) curled my hair put on makeup, etc. Diaper bag and kids where loaded into the car and we were 15minutes AHEAD of schedule! I decided to go and take that 15minutes to feed A, and change diapers before we went in. My head was held high and I felt confident that I would be one of the FIRST moms to arrive. I followed my map quest directions, and by 10:05 I knew I was in trouble(the event started at 10am) I drove up and down the street and could NOT for the life of me find the place. I called Shana who spent atleast the next 45minutes on the phone with me trying to help me find this place. By 10:40 I was in tears and had Shana looking up every "pottery painting" store in our city(there are several if you can believe it) and I started calling. When I found the right one she explained my group was just leaving but that I was welcome to bring my kids in to do the project anyway. I set out(with her verbal directions) and figured that while *I* was disappointed to not see my friends, that the girls would still have a good time. 15minutes later I still couldn't find the place, called again and as it turns out I had passed it 5miles ago. I gave up, how I didn't see it(reading EVERY address I could see) I will never know. I look back and both girls are sleeping and decide to just give up, by now I am crying and call Raechelle at work. She talks to me until I pull into my driveway when the girls wake up and start to cry because they realize this is NOT a pottery painting store. They had both worked so hard to earn this outing, I was heart broken to tell them I couldn't find it. Instead I decided to call another pottery painting place within 1mile of my house and ask the gal if we could come in now and do a project. She welcomed me(and even offered to provide projects for the kids and waive the studio fee since I am BROKE and only had $14) So we get there and the girls each picked out a Christmas tree ornament to paint. J made a pink snowman and O made a red "sock"(aka stocking). The gal who runs the place was super kewl, I really enjoyed talking to her. We left in just enough time to go pick up A and T(who I had dropped off with my mom during my driveway meltdown and decision to find another place) and we rushed to our WIC appt. They got me in and out(which was nice for a change) and I had 15minutes to get J to preschool. When we pulled into the parking lot of the school J began to cry--please Mommy J go home, no school today I'm TIRED. (lol) This child DOES need a nap everyday and today had been such a long day that I agreed she could miss school today. I made a U-turn and headed to Albertsons. Thankfully I am pretty well known in my community now so the stroller and obnoxious number of very small children doesn't draw much attention. I was able to get out of there in a reasonable amnt of time. The kids are now napping, and Im about to go start dinner. I guess in the end it all worked out just fine, I just wish it all didn't have to be so hard, ALL THE TIME!
Both girls:

J painting her snowman:

O painting her stocking: