Missing my boys...

Tonight as I prepare for my scrap book retreat(woo!) Im compiling photos from the past 6months. Ive created a file with 173pictures that I need to get into albums(ambitious?). As I did this I came upon dozens of photo's of D and R and I cant help but sit here and cry a bit. I miss both of them so much. D was our first fosterson, that alone means he will always hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget how it felt when I got that call, and when I drove away from the social services office with him in the backseat. Or how it felt when I met his mom, and cried with her. His mom worked so hard to do what she had to do to be with her son, and after only 30days he was returned to her(by me!), I was so proud of her and so happy for them both that I didnt feel I had any room to grieve my loss. He was where he should be, with his mommy. I couldnt think of a more ideal first experience as a foster parent, everything worked exactly as it should. I will never forget D or his mother(S). R, our second fosterson stole my heart the moment I saw him. He had the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. He was so sweet, and so angelic. Every minute that he was here I knew his leaving was going to rip my heart out, and it did. He took with him a piece of me. I look back at his pictures and with them comes a flood of memories, so many moments we shared. My heart aches with wonder of his well being. I dont have the same peace of mind with him as I do for D and his mother, and I can only pray that he is safe. I was never able to form the relationship with his mother that I formed with S, we did have one good conversation within days of his reunification and I can only hope that his mom is doing the work she needs to do to provide for herself and R. Ive had many dreams about him, many times Ive dreamt that he came back to me. They felt so real that Ive actually walked into what was his room and looked into the crib nearly expecting him to be there. I love you R, where ever you are. I hope your safe.