So where to start?

I know its been ages since I've blogged with any regularity, and to keep it real I doubt there will be any regularity. But Im here now so why not! Life with 4 kids. Its exhausting. We do our best each day to keep it together, to remain consistent and well as I remind Shana each night---if we've made it till now(laying in bed) and everyone is still alive, well its been a good day! Our current cast of characters include: Shana, Olivia, J, myself, my mother, and a 9month old baby girl T, and a 1month old baby boy Z. T came to us middle of last month at 8 months of age, toothless and pretty uncertain of herself. She's grown so much, changes everyday. She went from hardly being able to sit up, to crawling all over the house, pulling herself up and cruising. She cut two teeth and has atleast two more on the way. She says: Noooooo(while shaking her head--usually as she tries to grab the remote control or a cell phone, lol),mama, nana, dog, ba, and bun(for her precious bunny) Her plan is pretty straight forward... She is being adopted by a maternal aunt out of state! We are ofcourse thrilled for her aunt, who cant wait for her to arrive, and also sad for ourselves(and even sad and scared for her--because she's never met this aunt) because we will miss her oh so much. Z, oh where do I start? Z came to us at 48hrs old straight from the hospital, how will my heart ever endure letting this little one go? I am sure that my love for him will guide me to do the right thing when the time comes, but for now I cry. I cry everyday because I love him so much, and cant can't cant fathom ever letting him go. I know this is the love that he needs to grow, and I know that I too am growing from the experience. My days are long, and nights are sleepless. It seems someone always has a Drs appt, or a visit, or shopping needs to be done...endless amnts of diapers to be changed, bottles to be made, given, rewashed and remade(this alone feels like a part time job, atleast) I try to remain active in my local MOMS club, I try to make it to atleast one function per week, but Im not always able to. Laundry. I. Hate. Laundry. Like brings me to tears the amnt of laundry, washing, drying, folding/hanging, putting away...and as I stand feeling this huge sense of accomplishment I look to my right and see the laundry hamper and realize that it never will be done, that in ONE DAY this family creates 4loads of laundry, if I do laundry every other day that means every other day I have to do EIGHT LOADS OF LAUNDRY. IT MAKES ME CRY! I seriously have considered going on craigs list and HIRING someone to come in twice per week and do my laundry, but I doubt I ever will...But its what gets me through, fantasizing about a laundry lady, a cook, someone to come in and clean my bathrooms for me...all day my thoughts are filled with 500 more ME's I feel like I always have 10different projects going on at once. I could have dinner on the stove, be coloring with the girls, spoon feeding T dinner and cradling Z in my arms holding his bottle with my chin...and realize that this must look crazy, especially when the phone rings and I manage to answer it and prop it on my other shoulder. Evenings are nice, very. very. very nice. I somehow manage(on a pretty regular basis) to have fed the kids bathed them and got them ALL in bed and asleep by 715, 8 at the latest, but normally by no later than 730. Granted Z still gets bottles and diaper changes every 3hrs and Olivia almost ALWAYS gets back up somewhere around 9-930(wanting to come to bed with me) Its a break, from 730-930 two hrs of QUIET, and I seriously don't think I could cope without that time. I love my kids, but all day long I wish for it to be 630 so I can bathe them all and PUT THEM TO BED! To clean up the house and walk around and smile, leave one room to walk into another admire the tidiness of it and go back into the previous room just to admire the fact that in the 45seconds I was gone it managed to stay clean! Well its 10, and Im off to go make tonight's worth of bottles, stack a neat little pile of diapers on my bedside table, feed the birds, make myself a cup of Cafe Vienna and call my best friend!