Missing me

I was just over at Kwynne's blog and her post reminded me how much I dislike being so invisible as a lesbian now that I am a mother. Im decidedly femme, its just who I am. I tried out the whole baby Dyke ID in highschool and the military and it was fun...and it actually worked too, for a time. But truth be told its just not me. So I am me, and I feel comfortable in my own satin and lace covered skin, pink sweaters and lip gloss....problem? Well no not really, but I do miss being able to set off another dykes gaydar. Not sure really what's changed since having Olivia...Maybe the mommy look + the femme look is just a bit more than other fellow dykes can accept when they are trying to figure out why I am staring them down? Having a child changes, well just everything. Shana and I were talking about this over dinner tonight. Talking about how its changed our relationship and lifestyle ingeneral. Seems like before we had Olivia we had tons of time to just do nothing...Now we are so busy all the time our lives are chaotic, it takes 10times as long to do anything...It happened so gradually though, Im not sure we've really noticed how much our lives have changed until now, and Olivia is going on 3. Id be lying if I said I didn't miss those weekend nights with other childless couples in grown up restaurants, coffee houses for poetry readings, even the clubs or just a lazy weekend day when our house was always spotless and we could just go do whatever we wanted at the last minute and well anyway you get the idea. I've struggled so much this past year, trying to figure out how to be the mother I want to be while still paying special attention to my personal self, developing and pursuing my own interests, such as...Reading(Im doing good at this one, selecting books that DON'T have discipline/child development/or anything to do with children in the title/content!) Id love to take a class at the local college, or maybe join a book club....or anything that's just for me. Anyway enough rambling.