So overwhelmed....

I cant go into any details here in a public blog, just let me say that this is the most challenging experience of my life. Its so hard, all of it. Oh how I wish I could talk openly here about everything that's going on, Im just really really scared, sad, and so very overwhelmed. This isn't fair, we aren't ready to deal with this, I know I know you can never be prepared for this sort of thing. Olivia is such a gift in all of this, she's touched everyone and brought many smiles. She is very aware of death, and amazingly enough really understands it(how? I dunno, Im not sure I even understand it myself) Shes walked up to Shana many times and said such things as: Mama, your Daddy. He died, I know you will miss your Daddy, Mama your Daddy was my Papa, I miss my papa. She's cried with all of us, always hugging us all a little extra tight and ALWAYS looking up into our eyes telling us she will make us happy, telling us jokes, and saying such sweet things she remembers about her Papa. I've been really worried about creating any additional stress to Olivia. We've answered all of her questions in a simple and to the point manner. Held all "grown-up" conversations without her presence. I just don't want to overwhelm her, yet I think Im failing. She is a VERY VERY sensitive and AWARE child. Today I was at the store and she was in her stroller, a lady walked up to her and asked her why she looked so sad, she said. My papa died, I miss him. He died, we are going to bury him like my birds. My Papa was my Mamas Daddy, My Mama misses her Daddy The woman was speechless and just walked away. Last night we went to buy a dress for Olivia to where to the funeral, when we got home I asked her if she wanted to try it on, she said yes and then wanted to look into the mirror, when she did she said: I look beautiful, My Papa would like this dress, Mommy can Papa see my dress after he died? Then she said Two by Two. I wasnt sure I understood what she had said and I asked her to repeat what she said. O: two by two, Papa said I was his Two by Two. Ive NEVER heard her say that before. I just hugged her and we both cried for a minute. Yesterday Olivia's baby doll died, thankfully today her baby woke up with her. I am so sad, I miss you so much dad. I just want you to come back, we need you.