I will not obsess, I will not obsess, I will not obsess

I promised myself I wouldnt do this, is that even possible? Really though Im actually doing OK. Im cautiously optomistic, Im eating well, getting plently of rest and thinking happy thoughts. I did cave yesterday and buy yet another pack of home pregnancy tests(this makes 5) The cramping I was having is all but gone now, Im thinking my body just doesnt handle sperm well(hopefully well enough that I get pregnant) Shana reminded me yesterday that I also had cramping the cycle before Olivia that alarmed me enough that I went to the hospital! How could I have forgotten that? they did an ultrasound to rule out an eptopic, and UA to rule out UTI and then sent me on my way. I cant help but remember that I also had a MC that cycle, Im trying to forget that...lets not let history repeat its self here, please. In the cycle that we got pregnant with Olivia I had no symptoms until 8dpo when I noticed small red bumps on my areolas(MT) and a migrain. I got my BFP the next morning, followed by a blood test. I will not obsess, I will not obsess, I will not obsess.